Here are a few stories about bowls that may bring a smile to your face.
IF If you can always roll the jack, right at your skipper's feet, If you can always draw the shot, the one that must be beat. When asked to play a 'yard on' do you judge it to perfection? And when you're called to drive, can you always make correction? If you can come up smiling when the other bloke, Puts your good shot out of play and treats it as a joke. If you're the one who saves the day, I'll say to you my son, "You're a bloody hero, what's more the only one!" ____________________
I rang up my local bowling club, I said "Is that the local bowling club?" He said "It depends where you're calling from." ____________________
NOBODY'S DARLING Up and down, walking walking, Often measuring, sometimes chalking; Shifting mats - keeping score, thirty ends, maybe more; Aching back - tired of limb, Cheers for others, none for him, Night draws on, darker, darker, No one cares for he's the marker! ____________________
A little old man boards a bus with a bowl in each of his front trouser pockets. A beautiful lady, sitting close by, stares for so long that the man finally says, "Bowling balls". The lady seems shocked and continues to stare. Moments later, she says, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?" ____________________
Male bowler: "I got a new set of bowls for the wife last week. Best deal I've made in years!" ____________________
Question: What do you do with someone who can't draw, can't roll the jack, can't set a mat, can't keep score and won't listen? Answer: Make them Skip! ____________________
Question: You have a referee in football, An umpire in cricket. What do you have in Bowls? Answer: Goldfish. ____________________ One of the old stores that is still funny today supposedly happend in Harrow a few Years ago, A well known skip was having a hard time from the other three in his team who had failed to contribute anything throughout the game. At the last end the three walked down to the mat to play his first bowl and pausing shouted back up the rink. "Where's oor nearest boo". "In ye*****hand", answered the skip. ____________________
A SELECTORS PRAYER Blessed are they who can play sport, Blessed are they who can still be taught, Blessed are they who can accept with grace To play in a selected place. ____________________
GROANER... Historical evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers ( known as lawn bowling at the time) How ever, all league records were unfortunately lost to antiquity. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled. ____________________
Remember: We don't stop laughing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop laughing!